Step 2: Stimulating development and positive behaviour

As a parent, you can stimulate the development and behaviour of your child with autism (ASD) in various ways. By doing so, you can, for instance, encourage them to (positively) interact with the environment or to try new things. You will find practical tips on how to do this below. 

Encouraging positive interaction

A child with characteristics of autism (ASD) mainly learns how to engage with others during moments when interaction goes well, rather than from moments when interaction is difficult. Sharing enjoyable experiences and having fun together are important for helping the child develop social interaction skills.

You can motivate your child with autism to interact by doing the following:

• Tailor activities and conversations to your child's interests. 
  Keep play relaxed. Focus on having fun together rather than trying to teach your child something. The main goal is to strengthen the connection and interaction with your child.
• Create one-on-one moments with your child.
  During these moments, it is important that you truly pay attention to your child. Meaning that you are not distracted by, for example:
  • phone
  • computer
  • television
  • siblings
  • other activities

Encouraging development

The development of a child with autism (ASD) often follows a different path. For example, development may occur in sudden leaps rather than gradually. Your child may also become overwhelmed by the stress or tension associated with something new, which can make it difficult for them to learn.

• Developing in leaps and bounds: The development of a child with autism often occurs in sudden leaps. A child may struggle to learn a new skill and resist practising it. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they may suddenly be able to walk, talk or ride a bike as if they have always known how.
• Tension blocking: Sometimes, the pressure or tension associated with learning something new can become so overwhelming that your child shuts down or is unable to learn.

Here are some tips to stimulate the development of your child with autism:

Five-year-old Mijntje says that she absolutely does not want to move up to the next grade. During a conversation, she reveals that she feels insecure about her abilities. She believes that children are expected to be able to read in the third grade, but she does not know all the letters yet.

5-year-old Joris has to be encouraged again and again to swim another lap at swimming lessons. In his experience, he has finished the exercise as soon as hehas succeeded once. He doesn't see the point of repetition and practice. He already knows how it works, doesn't he?

• Focus on the things that are going well, rather than the things that are not. Children need moments of success to keep them wanting to learn. Maintain a balance of 1 in 5. This means that for every mistake or loss (of a game, for example), there are four moments of success.
• Encourage your child to explore new experiences, without pushing them.It is important for your child to develop their own motivation to try something new, such as learning to ride a bike. Many children with autism tend to avoid new experiences, often because they are afraid of failing. They may want to be able to do something perfectly right away and find the process of practising and learning particularly difficult.
• Try to find out why your child does or does not want to do certain things. Underlying thought patterns or rigid ways of thinking may be contributing to this. Sometimes, children have certain expectations about what they should be able to do, which can make them feel overwhelmed and interfere with their everyday functioning.
• Make sure not to ask too much of your child.Try to anticipate situations that may be challenging for your child. For example, your child may really enjoy playing with another child, but if you know that these playdates often end in frustration, think of an activity that is more likely to be successful. If playing together is difficult, encourage the children to play alongside each other instead. This allows your child to have a positive experience of spending time with another child. Keeping the playdate short can also increase the chances of success.
• Adjust your pace.Your child's pace is much slower than yours.
• Adjust your expectations.Think about what is really important to you and what you do not want to turn into a daily struggle. For example, you may want your child to hang up their coat or learn to tie their own shoes. Keep in mind that your child may be able to do certain things, but may not always be able to manage them in situations where they are expected to. For example, your child may be able to dress themselves, but struggle to do so under time pressure, such as in the morning before school.
• Increase the number of success moments in everyday life.For example, you can make it easier for children to dress themselves by choosing easy trousers (without buttons) and easy shoes (with Velcro), thus making it more likely for them to succeed.

Step 3: Helping your child in daily situations