Step 3: Helping your child in daily situations

Children with autism (ASD) process information differently. As a result, they may sometimes respond in ways that seem different or unexpected. How can you respond to this? 

Autism can manifest itself in many different ways in children. However, there are some general tips that may help you better understand and support your child.

Consider, for example:

• Offering structure;
• Taking your child's hyper or hypo sensitivity into account;
• Communicating clearly;
• Adjusting your pace;
• Subtitling your child's behaviour and feelings.

Offering structure

Many children with autism are, because of the ‘different’ way their brain works, flooded with information coming at them. This causes problems with filtering important information, organising information and making sense of it all.

Providing structure can help make the world feel more predictable and easier for your child to understand. This can sometimes help prevent frustration and anger. Some ways to provide structure include:

Making time clear
A planning board can help specify which activities will take place, when and in what order. First find out the way in which your child understands the planning board best. For example: should you make use of pictograms, pictures, or drawings? And: for which activities should or shouldn’t you use a picture? How detailed should you make it?

Doing fixed activities in fixed places
Your child wants to understand what is expected of them. You can help them with this by having fixed activities take place in fixed places. For example:

• Always having meals at the table
• Always reading bedtime stories in bed
• Always brushing teeth in the bathroom

Making transitions clear
A clock or alarm can help signal when an activity is over. That way, a child knows what is expected. This makes it easier for them to make the switch to a new activity. Ut makes it even easier for your child if you also tell them what will happen after this activity. For example: When the alarm goes off, we will eat.

Tip: You can also use a time-timer for this. This is a special clock on which your child can easily see how much time thet have has left. This does not have to be in numbers, it can also be in colours.

Routines
Routines are activities that you do in a particular order. So for example, before going to bed, you first read a book and then sing a song. Routines can help your child get a grip on what’s to come. And that gives peace of mind.

For more information on providing structure, visit the website of give me the 5 (or ‘the essential 5’):

Taking your child's sensory profile into account

What is meant with a sensory profile is the way in which your child reacts to environmental stimuli. So this involves seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling, and experiencing balance and control over one's own body. For example, muscle strength. This is also known as sensory processing, or sensory integration.

Some children with autism are hypersensitive to stimuli and, for example, have great difficulty in crowded places (such as a supermarket or a party). They may also be sensitive to sounds, such as the barking of a dog or the crying of a baby.

Example of a trip to the supermarket:
Your child has autism and gets stressed out by a trip to the supermarket. What can you do to make it easier for your child? You can help your child deal with the stimuli and/or try to avoid certain stimuli. Below, we explain how you can do this.

• Help deal with the stimulus by:
  • Preparing your child for what you are going to do in the shop (which shop are you going to, how many groceries are you going to get, etcetera).
  • Preparing your child for what they can do by themselves (e.g. pushing a trolley or sitting in your trolley).
  • Helping your child to stay calm. For example by giving them their favourite cuddly toy or pacifier.
  • Walking your child through their feelings when you notice they are getting stressed. For example: 'You don't like it, do you, when the shop is so busy?'

• Avoiding certain stimuli:
  • You can avoid taking your child to the supermarket, or choose quieter times to go when you only need to buy a few things.

Some children are less sensitive and actively seek out stimulation. f your child needs movement to stay alert and focused, you can help by occasionally jumping together on the trampoline, engaging in playful rough-and-tumble, or giving them a cuddle.

For more information on sensory processing/integration, please refer to Nederlandse Stichting voor Sensorische Informatieverwerking (NSSI).

Communicating clearly

Children with autism often understand you more easily when you communicate clearly and concisely. But what does clear and concise communication look like? Here are some tips.

Give a command instead of asking a question
When you want your child to do an assignment, give a command instead of asking a question. For example: You want your child to hang up their coat. So you say "Go ahead and hang up your coat" instead of "Would you like to hang up your coat?".

Deliver your message in a neutral tone
Children with autism often process information in separate pieces and may have difficulty seeing how different pieces of information fit together. In addition, many children are sensitive to emotions and may pick up on the emotional tone of a message. It is therefore important to communicate in a calm and neutral tone.

What does this mean in practice? Your child finds it difficult to listen to what you are saying when you, for example, are using an angry voice. The 'angry voice' is then, as it were, processed separately from the message you want to convey. Your child is essentially no longer hearing what it is you want to say, and gets upset by the emotional charge.

Avoid expressions or cynicism
Sometimes children with autism understand information too literally. This may make expressions difficult for them to understand. Think, for instance, of the expression 'walk around the block'. A cynical remark can also be confusing. For example, when you say 'you did a great job', while you actually mean that your child has made a big mess of it.

Adjusting your pace

Young children and specifically children with characteristics of autism often need a lot of time to process information. The difference in pace between adults and children is, in any case, very large. Try to slow down your pace and build in "puzzle time". These are moments in which your child can take some time to think about what you mean.

How can you tell if your child is processing information more slowly?

• Your child regularly does not respond to a question or request. A little while later, you notice that they have in fact heard you.
• Your child immediately reacts dismissively to your question or request. 'No' in this case means 'I need time to process this'.

Subtitling your child's behaviour and feelings

By articulating behaviour and feelings for your child, you can help them get a better grip on their behaviour and feelings. How do you do this?

For example: you arrive at the petting zoo with your child. You can see that your child gets upset because there are many unfamiliar children. You then name their reaction: 'That is a bit of a shock. A bunch of new children'. Then you give your child time to process this: 'Let's play on the swing first, so you can get used to it'.

Step 4: Enlisting (professional) help